"We’re not biased," says the sports editors, "we don’t like anybody."
Assistant Editor enters newsroom carrying a brown, longneck bottle.
Staff writer: “So you’ve just stopped giving a shit?”
Assistant Editor: “No, it’s root beer, but it may or may not have vodka in it.”
"This commenter’s username is ‘momof2in(city).’ That sounds more like a dating profile."
City editor seeking contact info from caller: “Can you call us back after you figure out your number?”
Reporter: “I hate these stupid updates. Look at this, a health app. I don’t want to be healthy, iPhone. Get out of here.”
(Our newspaper was found in Boston’s Old State House time capsule)
Editorial Director: They found copies of five newspapers; three of them are still in print 113 years later.
Reporter: I feel like that’s better than 90 percent of major metropolitan areas today.
Both: *moment of silence*
Managing editor: “I made it work because I’m a freaking genius.”
Copy editor: “I’m keeping my mouth shut.”
After trying to figure out what the smell of burnt newsroom popcorn reminds him of:
Reporter: I’ve got it! It smells like hotdog-scented fireworks!
Student reporter: “I came in to use the free printing and wind up writing a clip-worthy story about an university president dying…”
Reporter 1, slumped over keyboard: “This is why I should never drink tequila.”
Reporter 2: “Oh, grow up. You only had four shots.”
Editor: you realize that a clear-eyed and cool-headed sense of reason will get you absolutely nowhere?
Reporter: yes. that’s how i got here.
Night editor, finishes reading off some of the crazy, scary and “funny” statements he’s cataloged from obituaries (to some day use in his own): “I can’t wait until I die.”
Cops reporter: “Do you think I can take off my shoes? It’s really hot in here.”
City reporter: “Sure, why not?”
Cops reporter: “I’m kind of embarrassed because…” proceeds to reveal ”Got Swag” socks.
"The more things stay the same the more things stay the same."
- Reporter on the status quo of backward management policies