Baby Got Back?
*following an earthquake*
Operations Director: “It was long. It wasn’t strong.”
Community Editor: “BUT, it was down to get its friction on.”
Assistant Digital Editor: “MY ANACONDA DON’T WANT NONE …”
Reporter & Assistant Digital Editor: “UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS HUN!”
Director (about Overdrive machine): “God damn, I can’t go a day where it doesn’t do something I don’t understand.”
Producer: “That’s how I feel about my girlfriend.”
Assistant editor: I wore a tie today.
*Photographer slow claps*
Assistant editor: I get no respect around here.
School reporter: “I can’t believe I’m writing a 15 inch story on paper wigs. Sometimes I feel like a drunken sailor. Just throwing whatever garbage I can find in here.”
Angry caller: “You’re gonna make me famous, puttin’ me in the paper for shootin’ that house!”
Cops reporter: “Excuse me, sir - you mean ‘infamous.’”
Reporter 1: “You’re very giggly today.”
Reporter 2: “I’m reading comments on our Facebook page.”
Reporter (whispers): “It’s 6 p.m. and I’m done for today…”
Other reporter: “Run, run as fast as you can.”
Me: “My monitor is broken.”
Editor: “If you type carefully that shouldn’t matter.”
Web editor: I always spell “refrigerator” wrong.
Education reporter: Me too. I always want to put a ‘D’ in it.
(A brief pause, then followed by an inappropriate giggle fit.)
Assistant Editor: She wouldn’t give you her age?
News Editor: What’s her village and middle initial? I’ll get you her age. I have the 2008 voter registration list. I’ve got her birthdate.
Copy editor 1: With a completely serious expression. “I have a very important question to ask you.”
Copy editor 2: “What’s that?”
Copy editor 1: “Is it 50 cent corn dog day?”
Copy editor 2: Frantically searches on google. “It is!!”
Copy editor 1: “How many do you want?”
Editor bemoaning tech problem: “Triple murders have been solved more quickly.”
Editor referring to graphic sent by corporate IT department he has contacted many times about a new website: “I don’t understand what this is.”
Sports Editor: “Is it just a giant middle finger?”
Reporter 1, on seeing accused arsonist in court: “He seemed like a really nice guy.”
Reporter 2: “… who just happened to set a hotel on fire.”
"If I bite kids, I’m going to get bit" - reporter on what kids learn in kindergarten.